5- Sexlife

So there I was – I finally reach the spot
where she’s laid out, all naked peachy-pink
and I plant the kiss that’s supposed to wake her up
and her eyelids move, just like they’re supposed to do

Hello.  HELLO.  You woke me up.
So now what do you think you’re gonna do?
Wave bye-bye?  I’m awake!  YOU WOKE ME UP!
So: you have my attention.  I want yours

Stand to attention!  Is this new for you?
Were your old girlfriends all so la-di-dah
They never fucked?  They never hoiked their skirts
And had it off?  Nothing between their legs?

I bet you never even saw their legs
O Courtly Love!   O give a girl a break!
Come swoon into my lacy handkerchief
My ardent knight, my noble rescuer

At just the slightest hint of female flesh
Well, look at this, and this.  Look at my tits
How’s that?  You swooning yet?  O Yes, I know
my nipples maybe are a little small

But you will like them.  You can suck or chew
On them, do anything you want.  I’m yours!
I have to love the first man that I see
When my eyes open – and I guess that’s you

Well, talk to me.  Talk dirty.  Here I am
Say how you’re going to fuck me, how we’ll fuck
and fuck all night.  I’ll suck your dick and you
can come into my mouth.  Do you like that?

To come inside my mouth, or on my tits?
I want to please you, really, and to love
My rescuer, my knight in a tin can,
My Mr Skinny Out-of-a-tin-can

And you can hit me.  Slap me if you want.
I want to feel what you can do to me,
feel all I can – I want to feel your cock –
your dick – your prick – I want to feel

you shoved in me – can you get really hard?
You’re wearing armour.  Why not take it off?
Let’s see what else you’ve got!  Where is your lance?
I want it all.  I want it up my ass

Do you say arse?  Well I’m Canadian
And showing you my Royal Canadian ass
I mean my Royal Canadian Mounted ass
If you can do the honours.  How do you look

In armour and a brown hat with a brim?
A big wide brim for my big hero man
My brimming-over love-lost hero man
Come to my bed – and fuck me in my ass!

Well, close your mouth.  Don’t want to catch a fly.
I want to catch your flies.  I don’t mean ‘catch’
I want to rip your clothes off, why oh why
Do you have armour at a time like this?

Except my period had to start today
That happens when you wait one hundred years.
I hope that you don’t mind a bit of blood —
or more – it washes off.  So come to me

and make me come to you.  I want to come
and come.  I’ve been on pills, that’s why I sleep
so much and now you’re here and I’m awake
so do it to me, love me, fuck me, stroke

me.  More.  I cannot get enough.  I must
have more.  Have anything that you can do
Don’t stop now.  Use your hand.  Use both your hands.
Oh God    Oh Jesus    More    Keep going    More!

The rest is sound, not words           We stop to breathe

Your hands are red.  So are my legs.  At least
Here in the woods there aren’t any sheets
to worry about, or nosy chamber maids
Unless you want a little something more

A plump little maid for afters, little treat
to wind down on?  You’ve made a meal of me
What’s on your arm?  How did more blood
get all the way up there?  How high is it?

Up past your elbow!  Never!  Oh I see,
It’s just the blood that got smeared up that far –
I was concerned that I had loosened up
but not that loose!  What kind of girl do you

think that I am, a garage?  Place to park
a car?  A boat?  Maybe a submarine?
A docking station for the astronauts?
The Russians and the Yanks, space shuttle too?

And thanks!  I’m sorry for the jokes
about the skinny guy in the tin can
And for the blood.  And you are very kind
Now, do you know the way out of these woods?